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Wife. Mommy. Lover of cookies.

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Archive: April 2003

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood, Volume II

Have you ever noticed how many people you actually talk to in a day? Sure, there are the random customers/clients, but I’m not really talking about them. I’m not referring to your co-workers, either. Based on my careful calculations, I have now concluded that during the average work day, I interact with 37 different people, excluding my employees and my customers. Certainly, I am counting those with whom I converse via the telephone, but I am omitting those with whom I communicate via electronic means. Here’s the rough breakdown of my favorite 5:
1. My UPS driver. I love this guy because he quite clearly hates himself, his job, and pretty much everything else. He is continually surly toward me, although his face lights up and he actually speaks to my Receiving Manager. I have never gotten so much as a “hello”. My mission in life is to get him to crack a smile.
2. The Money Man. If you’ve ever worked Big Box retail, you know who I’m talking about: the guy with the gun who takes your money to the bank. This guy is always pleasant, and he comments on the weather each and every day. He answers “I’m blessed, thank you for asking” each time I ask how he’s doing. Consistency is a beautiful thing, indeed.
3. My postal carrier. Believe it or not, she’s actually quite sane, and has even been known to pick up the tab when we get letters with postage due, and she’s always patient when we remember an important letter that we have to run and get at the last minute. What a woman!
4. The employees of the restaurant across the parking lot. They always come to read on their lunch breaks, and they always put their books back when they’re through. Thanks, guys!
5. Steve, The Milkman. Three days a week, Steve is there with a smile and a story, he’s the perfect sounding board for any problem, and I look forward to seeing him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (plus, he brings me free chocolate milk). I’m pretty sure he’s in the wrong line of work, because he would make a killer bartender.
These are but a few of the people in my neighborhood, and they manage to make my days just a little more colorful. So, thanks, guys. I promise, I really don’t take you for granted!

Multiply Life By the Power of Two

Yes, it’s true: Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. We’re coming up on 9 years together, but today marks the day we made it all official, so, if I may, I’d like to do something I don’t normally do, and get mushy for a minute. The following are the top 10 reasons I love my husband:
10. He sings in the shower.
9. While he’s not always right, he never loses an argument because he always does his homework before opening his mouth.
8. He talks to the dogs in a funny voice (in other words, he’s not afraid to show his sensitive side, and that makes him even sexier).
7. He’s the funniest person I know.
6. He’s the smartest person I know.
5. He goes out of his way to make me happy, and I know he’d kick somebody’s ass for making me sad.
4. He never forgets to say “I love you”.
3. He still has the ability to surprise me.
2. He never forgets to kiss me goodbye in the morning, even if I’m still asleep.
And the number one reason I love my husband
1. He loves me exactly the way I am, and he’s never once tried to change me.
So there you have it. While the list is actually quite a bit more extensive, these are the top ten things I love about Kevin. Happy Anniversary, baby. You’re everything that’s good and true in my world.

Can It Be True?

My oh my. Look what we have here. It appears that it’s time to stock the fridge and the pantry, because I’m about to become a shut-in. No, it’s not a recent onset of agoraphobia; it’s the upcoming launch of Reality Central, baby!!! Oh dear Lord, I’ll never leave the house. Thank you, Blake Mycoskie, for making my dreams come true!
And yes, I’m quite aware that I’m pathetic, thank you. No need to point it out.

How Time Flies

I got the notification for my 10 year High School reunion today. I feel old now.

I Spent The Day Doing Nothing

And it was everything I dreamed it could be (oh yeah, I also watched Office Space. Twice). We went to Main Street yesterday, and it was a beautiful day, and I’m sure I’ll post about it tomorrow, but right now, I just wanna go take a nap.

What Have I Read Lately?

Why, I’m so glad you asked! Here is this months Reading List. For a lovely change of pace, some of these books are actually available now, as I have received some complaints that the books I choose are never on sale when I post about them. On that note, here’s a list of selections from months past that are finally on the shelves of your local bookstore: Molly Moon’s Incredible Book of Hypnotism, A Million Little Pieces, and The Vanished Man. If you read any of the books I review, please feel free to leave a comment with your own 2 cents! Now check out what’s up for grabs this month, and go out and read something.

This is the labor market on drugs Eric Schlosser has done it again. First, Fast Food Nation changed the way the American public viewed the entire industry (not to mention leading a mass boycott of the big bad evil McDonald’s corporation). Now, the author invites you along on a trip to the underground. He’ll show you the Black Market in all its seedy glory, and no subject is taboo. Reefer Madness not only explores the cash cow that is the marijuana trade, but he also gives the reader a brief history of the porn industry (complete with interviews of Larry Flynt!), all while interweaving the plight of the migrant farm workers. Sure, it all sounds scattered now, but wait until you read it to see how it all ties together. To raise your awareness, and buy the book, click here.

Get Ready! Of course I’m re-reading it! The new one comes out in less than 2 months, and I have to be ready! Rumor has it that there are some of you that have never read any of the Harry Potter books, and that makes me sad for you. Goblet of Fire is certainly the most adult, and while the dark themes are extremely evident to the grown-up reader, it is a wonderful opportunity for the younger reader to expand their knowledge of literary devices. Sure, it’s commercial, but isn’t that part of the fun? If you haven’t read the magnificent Mr. Potter, or you would like the chance to refresh yourself before book 5 is released (on June 21, at midnight…See your local Barnes and Noble for details of the Midnight Magic Party), click here.

Bennie's Back! If you’ve never read Lisa Scottoline before, now’s your chance. Dead Ringer is another one of her great successes, and she delivers all the humor and thrills that her regular readers have come to expect. Sure, it has the same characters and takes place at the same law firm as her previous novels, but it really is okay to read them out of order. Start with this one, and then if you like it, go back and read Courting Trouble. Oh, and here’s another point of reference: If you read Janet Evanovich, Nora Roberts, or Stuart Woods, you’ll enjoy Scottoline’s style. To buy it, click here.

Another Month, Another Nora Okay, okay. So technically, Engaging the Enemy is not a new book since it contains two reprints, but you should really read it anyway. After all, it’s probably been 10 years since you read it the first time, and you wouldn’t remember it anyway! It has also come to my attention that I neglected to review Birthright, so go check it out, too. Both are classic Nora, with all her usual wit. Believe me when I tell you that Ms. Roberts is one hard-working woman, whose grace and attention to her fans is unsurpassed by any other author. Plus, it’s just plain fun to read her books. To buy either Birthright or Engaging the Enemy, click here.

I Like Fudge! Yes, Amy Sedaris is related to David Sedaris; she’s his sister, in fact. Yes, she’s the same Amy Sedaris who brought you Strangers With Candy. Now, she invites you to join her on a trip to Wigfield, The Can-Do Town That Just May Not. Think of this book as Garrison Keillor meets South Park. There are guaranteed laughs on every page, and it’s the perfect read to kick off your summer on a humorous note. If you enjoyed The Idiot Girls or Me Talk Pretty, you’ll love this. To buy it, click here.

At Long Last

You can now view pictures of Nora here. Oh, and one more thing: She has another book out now. Check it out here.

‘Cuz It’s The Freakin’ Weekend

And baby I’m about to have me some fun! That’s right, boys and girls, for the first time since last Fall, I have a full weekend off! Rumor has it that the Main Street Arts Festival is in my future, along with tomorrow night’s Bowling for Soup concert. Who’s your daddy now?

What The Hell?

I have a shameful secret. I actually watched Extreme Makeover last night. At first, I wasn’t even sure what I was watching; then, I was so angry that I couldn’t turn it off, because I felt sure it was some sort of horrible joke gone terribly awry. If you didn’t catch it, be very glad. It is quite possibly the most hideous thing ever to have entered into the homes of the American people. Seriously. Joe Millionaire had nothing on this show. Apparently, the whole point of the show is to take someone “real” (as in: reality TV) and completely make them over, by whatever artificial (as in: so very not real…silicone, et al) means are available. Cosmetic dentistry? Sure! Plastic surgery? Be sure to bring your list! They’ve got boob jobs, liposuction, nose jobs, face-lifts, lip reshaping, even Lasik. I kid you not; this is a no-holds-barred, truly extreme “makeover”.
I disagree with the premise for a number of reasons. You should be happy being yourself, if you don’t like you the way you are then no one will, yadda yadda yadda. However, while my biggest issue is built on the foundation of self-esteem, it is not directly to what I am referring. It seems to me that the most distressing aspect of the program stems not just from the fact that these poor people literally begged ABC for a free makeover (which, bear in mind, includes tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of free plastic surgery, a new wardrobe, dental work, a personal trainer, a stylist, spa treatments, limousine service, and organic food delivered straight to their all-expenses paid Beverly Hills hotel room—for six straight weeks…wait, I’m starting to warm up to this idea…), but that they are so excited at the prospect of enduring tortuous surgery, pain, and humiliation in front of the entire American viewing public. Nothing is sacred in this show, and if you’ve ever seen someone in the recovery room waking up from surgery, you know how truly awful an experience it is, and not just for the patient. But wait, there’s more! You, the fortunate viewer, then have the privelege of watching the “healing process” begin complete with extreme close-ups of bruising and scarring! But this is just the beginning of the journey. You’re then treated to the “fun” part of the process…you know, the shopping, the hair-do’s, the workouts, the makeup, etc. Finally, the lucky…I guess “contestants” isn’t quite right, so let’s go with “pathetic individuals”…ahem–“particpants” finally get to go home to their families and friends (with whom they have not had contact for 6 weeks) for the big “reveal”. Tears of joy ensue, blah blah blah. This whole sideshow began as a one-shot deal; however, due to amazing viewer response, the powers that be at ABC have turned it into a full-blown three-ring circus, available to you, dear voyeur—uh, I mean viewer— once a week, and all just in time for May Sweeps.
The participants of the show make me sad, ABC pisses me off for encouraging this kind of thing (do you wonder why we lead the world in deaths due to eating disorders?), but most of all, the viewing public (popular demand?!?!?) needs to get a friggin’ life if this is what we’re reduced to as a society. Reality TV has now turned into a contest pandering to the lowest common denominator. Stand up for yourself and turn it to PBS, TLC, Discovery Channel, even Nick at Night. Better yet, turn of the TV and read a book. Yes, I did indeed watch it in its entirety, and no, it wasn’t a sick joke. You got me once, ABC, but you won’t get me again.


Well, we had a fabulous time at Buffett last night; so fabulous, in fact, that Kevin stayed home from work today to recover. I, however, was not as fortunate, and I got up at 5:00 AM. Wow. Somehow, I managed to stumble through the day with a colossal hangover, and now, after a nap, I am much revived. The show was very good, although not the best I’ve seen him. The tailgate party before hand really got the evening started, and I learned an extrememly valuable lesson: Don’t give the drunk girl the knife when you need your limes sliced. Don’t worry, I still have all my digits intact, but I think I’ll be in pain for a few more days. All in all, it was a wonderful anniversary present, and I can’t wait until next year!

This Just In

Damn! Just as we were walking out the door, Kev calls to me from the office:
“Hey honey! You’re #1!”
That’s right, folks. Yours truly is the number one Most Overvalued blog on
Blogshares. Who’s your daddy now?
Thanks, Kim, for catching it!

Buffett Bound, Baby!

What’s a little rain? We’re headed off to Margaritaville in 5…4…3…2…1!

A Little Gris-Gris

Well folks, it’s now less than 24 hours until the party of the year starts at the unlikely venue of the Smirnoff parking lot. Go ahead and mock us, but it truly is a way of life, and besides, I need all the joy I can get this week, so don’t mind me if I’m clinging a little tightly to Mr. Buffett. You’ll hear all about it on Wednesday, provided my hangover has subsided enough to allow lucid communication!

And We Have A Winner!

Josh wins, hands down. It is, in fact, none other than St. Jimmy himself. Who woulda thunk it? The truth is, he may not be a gifted musician, but Mr. Buffett does have a gift for writing lyrics, and this is but one shining example.

Name That Artist

Can you identify the artist who sings this song?
I’ll post the answer tomorrow….
Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it’s pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you’ve lived too long
The days drip slowly on the page
And you catch yourself
Pacing the cage

I’ve proved who I am so many times,
The magnetic strip’s worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in.
Powers chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage.

I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything.
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It’s as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you’ll wind up
Pacing the cage

Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can’t see what’s round the bend.
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend.
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land,
For the coming of the outbound stage
Pacing the cage…




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